I love my job and I love what I do, but at the same time I don’t feel good enough to be doing what I am doing. A recent conversation with my mother inspired me to write this blog – someone doing something I do not agree with because I doubt they are good enough. I won’t name any names or make it clear to who I am talking about, but there are jobs in life where being the best is highly important. Let’s use my job, Sign Language Interpreter, as an example. I am good at what I do – not to toot my own horn, but I am. I am better at talking to the Deaf than Interpreting for them – and I know it. I go to work everyday to hang with my buddies – two boys I have been with through middle and now high school. I interpret for them, but I have a lot more skill and fun when I get to chat with them. They graduate this year and this year will also be my last year as an educational Interpreter. Why? Because, I do not feel good enough for my job. Like I said, I am great at talking with the Deaf, but I am not the best at interpreting. A job I truly feel like you need to be the best. Sure, there are so many other reasons involved to why I am making this my last year, but an Interpreter is not who I am. People ask me all the time if I’ll continue with Sign Language – and I think I will because I love it! Then, they ask if I am not Interpreting for schools would I go work at the hospitals or with the police. My big fat answer to this is “NO” and it’s not because I dislike Interpreting – it’s because that job means that I must be perfect! Perfect because that’s another person’s life that I am dealing with – one wrong word and the person could go to jail or die! I mean, we have a hard enough time communicating with the doctors when we can speak the same language. I would hate to make a vital mistake in where the pain was or what kind of medication the person is allergic to… Makes me ill just thinking about it. If I had a Deaf friend – or one of my students – needed me at the hospital or if they were arrested I would be there in a heartbeat! Why? Because I know them and because I know their signs well enough to feel comfortable interpreting for them. A stranger is so different – Sign Language is not that simple! There are some Interpreters, and I know some, that can walk in and kick ass! And still, only one of them is certified! I just feel like you need to be perfect and you would need to be able to kick some ass…otherwise, stay out! Leave the important jobs to the people who know what they are doing inside and out. I don’t want to sound like I don’t trust myself – if someone called and asked me to help at the hospital or jail, I could totally do it. I don’t doubt that I wouldn’t be able to go in there myself, but, what I am saying is that I could never forgive myself if something were to happen. There are days I come home from work and my student was trying to tell me something but I wasn’t getting it and finally hours later it will sink in and I’ll get it! Then the next day I’ll go in and we’ll talk about it. I cannot go to an arrest and come home only to figure out hours later that he really didn’t mean what I had interpreted! I cannot go back and be all, “Oops, my bad.”

There are people a lot more talented than I am for interpreting. I know I am a lot more talented, than even the ones who could kick my butt in interpreting, at conversing with the Deaf. If there is an ounce of doubt – do not do a job you know in your heart is meant for a perfectly skilled individual. I just feel so strongly about this and it bothers me knowing there are thousands of people out there doing jobs they really have no skill for.

I am going to quit and go find myself. I want to sign, I just don’t want to be invisible going it. Maybe a counselor for the Deaf would be an awesome job for me… But, right now I want to be a mommy and I really feel like I am skilled for this job! *smile*

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