There is the occasional cry when one is saddened for some reason, or hurt either emotionally or physically. Theses cries are understandable and usually forgiven by society. It’s the endless flow of pointless tears that can drive you insane just being around the depressed or blubbering individual. Crying over spilled milk is annoying and yet there are millions of people who do it – why? Why are people drawn to crying at the drop of a hat? I have known people who tend to cry every time I say something to them, “Boo!” Oh no! Viola said, “Boo!” I have to cry because it hurt my feelings…. Ummm what?! I give up and really don’t care anymore because it seems that no matter what I do, or try not to do, it is inevitable that I am going to make them weep in the dark corner of a quiet room. I have been watching the reality show Big Brother – yeah, I know I’m a dork – where one of the housemates is over the top with her damn crying fits! Scott and I have nicked named her “Alice the Goon” from the old Popeye cartoons – because that’s what she looks like! No joke, she has the long nose and the forever sad face. This girl needs medication! Anyone who cries at everything needs to be on medication! There is something wrong with you if every time you turn around you are crying about nothing and everything. We live in a great time with doctors and medication ready and willing to help you with your problems – seek them out and get aide.

I was talking to my brother about this subject and he gets just as annoyed as I do about pointless annoying weepers. I tell him about the people I make cry regularly and then recently I was telling him about Alice the Goon from Big Brother. He had to write a little something about this subject for a post on blubbering idiots…

I have come across several individuals in the past months that seem to be honestly super-sensitive with just about everything you can toss at them. Being the astute scientist and learned super-genius, I have since researched this atypical behavior, and concluded that these crybabies suffer far more than just being a spineless wimp. The true name of this condition is: hyper delusionary emotional susceptibility disorder, or Weeper Syndrome.

Most people do not know enough about this illness, and the afflicted are usually too busy being victimized, beat up, or crying, usually accompanied with thumb sucking, whimpers, and a “woe is me” expression. Identified as an ailment in 1694, by Puritan Quaker Doctor Ezekiel Shlopmeyer, it was noted that many people suffering from Weeper Syndrome were identified as practitioners of witchcraft, and vessels of the devil. Most of these people were tried and condemned as minions of evil at “Witch Trials” held in Salem, Massachusetts in 1692. In the tumultuous years to follow, despite being known as clinically ill, people suffering from Weepers Syndrome still faced (for reasons of convenience) such fates as burning at the stake, the iron maiden, and my personal favorite, breaking at the wheel until 1832, which was years after all these forms of torture execution had been outlawed as inhumane for regular people. Afterward, people with Weepers Syndrome were just referred to as the “village idiots” or the more popular “American Yeller-Bellies.” The illness was overall forgotten and ignored until the mid 1990′s when it was re-made popular my the mass-paranoia and overall fear of just about everything that was experienced by the population in California around that same time. California, holding the highest number of wimps per capita, (rivaled only by the states of Washington and Oregon), was among the largest area to experience the Weeper Syndrome epidemic. Most weepers have since relocated out of those urban areas and have found thier way into most small towns, such as Minden, Nevada, or Seymour, Indiana. (Used here to illustrate small, dead end towns).

Weepers are usually identified by their incessant blubbering, child-like behavior, and inability to come to terms with reality. Weepers are easily seen at bars, weddings, and other family related events, but often prefer the faceless anonymity offered in the form of voicemail messages, e-mail, or will rely on the voice of others to transmit their boo-hoo-hoos and pee pee pees into audible human language. People who facilitate such transmissions are usually shallow, and in most cases are desperate for a companion. Romantic or any other emotional attachment with Weepers will usually result in a binary or symbiotic relationship, where both parties involved will suffer an endless downward spiral until there is nothing left to identify them other than their babbling faces, begging to be smacked.

Shock treatment is usually the best for Weepers, however medication can also be prescribed, such as Hydrogen fluoride, Potassium chloride, and large doses of mercury or any other substance used for bioaccumulation. Usually, weepers just need a good slap in the face, a kick in the pants, or a punch in the stomach (which also relives the stress associated with being anywhere near one of these pee-pee pants pansies).

I hope this helps you to identify these poor miserable creatures, and will help in your efforts to eradicate them with euthanasia, or any other methods you see fit.

It’s so true that misery loves company. I find myself being pulled down when around these weeping morons, and who the hell wants to be pulled down with you?! All joy is drained when these weepers sit across from you with their faces all pouty and their eyes ready to turn on the waterworks at any given second. With their negative attitude on everything they seem to suck life out of whomever they are around. These people need to be put onto an island along with other weepers so that they can slowly drain each other of life and die in a miserable fit of crying. I commend those who seek out medical attention and try to cure their illness of weeping at everything. There are so many people out there that believe there is no help for them, or that no one wants to help them. These people are much mistaken! There are millions of folks that go to college each year yearning to graduate and help you with your mental disorder of non-stop crying. [Don't get me wrong, I am not bashing depression here. Depression is a nasty disease that eats at human life each year. If you do suffer from depression - please get help! Depression is nothing to sit around and wait to subside - it can be a serious condition that needs the aide of a medical professional (good luck).] I wonder how many weepers I made weep with this blog post?

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