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I cannot say that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday – but it’s not bad either. My family is really small, and when I was a kid Thanksgiving day was dull. My mother would go all out and get up at three in the morning to put the giant bird into the oven to bake. I remember getting up with her – to watch TV. It always interested me to see what was on at that time of the morning. We lived in an apartment building – a small one – and we would open our front door because the oven made the apartment warm. I could hear all the ladies cooking a turkey up and moving about. Lights would be on and the smell of morning would quickly be masked with the fragrance of Thanksgiving. I never stayed up too long, as soon as the turkey was in and the oven door was shut – I was back to bed! The morning would be filled with excitement for it was Thanksgiving! We would pop up and go watch the parade and get all dressed up fancy. My mother would run all over the place getting Thanksgiving dinner ready for our 3:00 feast. My grandparents normally came over and every once in a while we were graced with my cousin and her family. The number of guests varied from year to year, but my mother prepared the same dinner year after year. My brother and I would run around and play – this annoyed our grandmother so we had to calm down. We couldn’t go out and play because that would have been rude – the family was there to see us after all. We couldn’t sit and watch TV because the game was on for the MEN in the family to watch. We were always shunned because no one wanted to talk to us either. The excitement we had felt when we woke up was quickly extinguished as we sat there looking at one another with pure boredom. We would annoy the few family members that were there with meaningless babble. We were always pawned off on other members – our mother would say, “Why don’t you go talk to your Grandmother?” Grandma would say, “Why don’t you go talk to your Grandpa?” Poor Grandpa never had anyone to pawn us off on, so he’d sit there as we climbed all over him and talked about nothing and everything. I am sure he tuned us out because he never responded and he kept trying to watch the game. We caught onto the fact no one wanted us around and yet we weren’t allowed to leave… Finally we found something we could do quietly in the living room where everyone was. They would put out snacks and out of starvation we would attack them! We were shooed away from the snacks – as they were there for the adults. Dinner was served and this was great because we hadn’t eaten since breakfast and the few snacks we were able to snatch. My brother and I had hyper metabolisms and if we didn’t put food into our systems every couple of hours – we were starving! All the food on the table looked so good and all we wanted to do was dig in! BUT, we couldn’t. We had to first go around the table and say what we were thankful for – I’ll tell you what I would have been thankful for, the freedom to eat! I hated this because I never knew what to say and I never really wanted to say anything. I am not an open lovey dovey person – if you can’t tell that I love you, then you’re dumb. My brother and I would look at each other and start to giggle uncomfortably. No ever said, “Hey kids, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.” It was always, “Come on, stop acting like that!” The thanks went around the table and we were all ready to dig in – finally! NOPE! Now it was time to pray… I am sure God didn’t want us to starve to death, and yet there we were giving thanks to him as well. With the thanks done and the prayer finished it was finally time to get some food! Our stomachs were screaming and our mouths watering, all we wanted to do was eat – and still we had to wait for the adults to get their plates filled first… It looked like we would never get anything to eat – and I remember thinking that I couldn’t wait to be an adult. I couldn’t wait to be able to mingle with the family, eat the snacks and get my plate of Thanksgiving yumminess first. Sadly, by the time I was an adult Grandma and Grandpa had passed away, and our small gathering got smaller and no joy ever came form being able to stand around to mingle, or get any of the snack foods and by the time I was an adult there was nothing stopping me from being first because there was no one to be second in line for food. Everything I had looked forward to was gone.

Thanksgiving had never been a special holiday for me – and I can’t speak for my brother, but I don’t think it has ever been special for him either. Last year we drove down to Vegas and had the best Thanksgiving we had in a long time – why? Because I was with my brother. All those years as children we might have been pushed away by the adults, but we always had each other. No matter what, we were there to experience it together – so we were never really alone. We didn’t take the trip down to Vegas again this year – and it feels as empty as it does every year. I am sure we’ll have a good time over at our cousin’s house and the feeling of emptiness will soon dissipate. I hope that everyone has a great Thanksgiving and remember to relax and let the kiddies run amock and eat those snack foods and maybe you could dish out their food plates first – but most of all talk to them and listen to what they have to say. It means so much to them that you are there. Take this time to enjoy everyone – it won’t last forever but your memories will.

So, Have a happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours!!!

Family first. There is no excuse to this simple law of nature, although we all try – don’t we? We find the little loopholes in life that make it okay to stick your family in the back seat of life while tending to “more important things” such as work. Life in our house has been a non-stop ride in the fast lane and I know my little fella feels the stress of it in his little life. Is this fair? No, it’s not! Life is so damn demanding and work calls for long tiresome hours that never seem to end. I know my work is important, but sometimes work needs to surrender to the demand of my three-year-old son.

The other morning I woke up and started my normal morning routine getting ready for work. I was in the last stages of the routine when Sammy woke up screaming – not a blood-chilling scream, but one that said he was not ready to wake up. Sometimes he’ll wake up and cry a little and then drift back to sleep – never more than a few minutes. That morning it wasn’t stopping and he started to call out for me. I can’t ignore this call. I tired to calm him down, got him some milk and food – nothing was calming him down. I sat with him for a few minutes and he was hanging on to me with everything he had… That’s when I knew I had to make the call – my little boy needed me and that is more important than my job. I called the people I needed to call, then fixed Sammy and I a bowel of yogurt and granola. As soon as I walked into the living room carrying the breakfast, Sammy lit up and a smile covered his tear-ridden face.

Family should always come first and life second, but we forget this and we tend to switch it around. Some pick friends and fun over family, but most pick work and money. I love money – I won’t deny it. Although, if you knew how much I made per year you’d know I don’t do it for the money. I realize that we must support our family and that’s why we all work, but sometimes we need to stop. Call in sick and take an unplanned day off to be there for our family who needs us. I look at Sam and I think it’s unfair to him for me to pick work over him. I do it so often, I stay after everyday for different reasons (sports or tutoring) and I leave Sam at school or have Scott pick him up. By the time I get home I spend a few quick hours with him, go to sleep and leave before he’s awake. It shouldn’t be this way – he comes first and I need to remind myself of that. The morning he needed me I surrendered to his needs over the needs of my student. Sammy is my number one and no matter who you are you’re second to him.

I feel like I was losing site of what’s important in my life to go and be there for my student. I love being that important that no one else can do my job. Although, it is a curse as well as a blessing, and putting my family second to work wasn’t working out for me. I saw the pain it was causing them and when Sammy is holding on with all he’s got – that’s a slap in my face, “I NEED YOU!” If I can’t see that, then I shouldn’t be a mother. If I can walk away from that, then I shouldn’t be a mother. This is a one-time shot to be a good parent, and if I screw it up for personal gain I cannot go back and fix it. Don’t let life suck you in – you have the control over who you are and what you need to do in life. You have the right to hit the pause button and take a moment to make sure the people who matter most to you know it.

When I saw the smile on Sammy’s face as I walked into the living room with the bowl of yogurt and granola – it was the best feeling in the wold. All he needed was his mommy and I sat down and enjoyed giving him just what he needed. You have the power – use it.