I know there is a lot of controversy about fast food – and I don’t really disagree with either side. One hand – is it really not the healthiest food. They advertise the healthy salads and wraps and whatnot, but if you look close the at the calorie numbers and the list of ingredents you’ll find a lot more then you expected. On the other hand – it’s food. If abused, any food can be the enemy. It is nice to be able to drive through fast food every once in a while and grab some easy food on the go. When there is no time to stop, get everyone and everything out of the car and go into a place to be waited on and finally eat. There are times that I know that Sammy is too tired and hungry to sit down in a resturant and wait for food. We don’t go get fast food too often, but the few times we do I have noticed a growing problem with all the fast food joints – the people they hire to work there. They are morons! It’s like the people in charge (probably morons themselves) try to hire people who are the brainless rude fuck-ups of the community! I need to tell you all right now that once upon a time I worked at Wendy’s fast food burger joint – and needless to say I wasn’t there too long. Scott also worked at Wendy’s through high school and college – and then was fired because some brainless rude fuck-up co-worker stole money from the safe (that was supposed to be open and unlocked during business hours!)! My mother-in-law, who was a stay-at-home parent, also worked at Wendy’s as a time filler while the boys were in school. Just a few hours a day and a little extra cash in her pocket. She watched as these stupid people were hired on and worked their way to the top… the top of what? That’s a proud title “Manager of Wendy’s” yeah, you’re important now! Maybe I am being a little harsh, but there are stupid people who have made that title what it is today – nothing.

I have gone through countless drive throughs and they all seem to have the same mentality – “duh what?” I try not to make the order too complicated, because I know that if I make one request that’ll throw them off then the entire order will be shit. “I would like a burger with cheese but no onion or tomato… blah, blah, blah.” Everything after the separate request is not heard because they are sitting in there trying to figure out what button to push for the special request. They then say, “Umm, ok. I have one burger with cheese and no tomato. Is that all?” I feel like saying, “No, you stupid shit, I also did not want onion on that along with two orders of fries and a large drink!” Can’t get annoyed at them because you know that their brain cells wouldn’t be able to handle the overload of an angry person and not only will they become even more confused, but they will then spit on the burger to show you who’s dumb! I try to be very simple in ordering from the fast food folks, “I need a cheese burger kids meal and a chicken strips kids meal – both with Sprite to drink.” I always pause here, knowing that the person taking the order is either confused or taking a puff off the joint he/she had in their pocket. I wait for the, “Ok, anything else.” prompt to continue with my order. I fear that the rest of my order will mess up the kids meals I have already ordered – and seven times out of ten it does. “I need a cheese burger meal -” this is where they cut you off to ask what size you want your fries and drink to be. A lot of the time I just get the big one, then Scott and I share. “Medium.” I stop because I know that they need to ask what I want to drink with that and then find the right key to push. Meanwhile I fear too much time has gone by and they are piling food in identical bags at the drive through pick-up window for mindless hand out. “What to drink with that?” Ok, my mother wants iced tea with extra ice… no matter how much I tell her that they won’t do it, she wants me to ask for it every time. “I need an iced tea with extra ice. I also need a -” Oops, didn’t give enough time to process that drink thought – plus, I asked for something different – oh good god! “Ok,” here it comes, this is where even though I am not finished with my order, they have had enough of my confusing order and deem me finished. “You wanted a cheese burger kids meal with sprite, a chicken strips kids meal with sprite, a cheese burger meal with a medium iced tea. Anything else?” Dammit! They didn’t repeat the extra ice and so I need to remind them of that and try to get my order squeezed in there. Time for the auctioneer voice: “Don’t forget the extra ice and I need an Asian Chicken Salad with a medium Sprite!” breathe… The long wait after bothers me because I know that no matter what now, the food I get will be wrong! I have said too much and the dopehead on the receiving end has no idea what language I was talking in. He/she needs to ask for help and an entirely different voice comes across to ask me, “Please drive forward and I’ll have your total at the window.” As hard as it is I smile for the camera they have at the little speaker box and say as nice as I can, “Oh, sure.”

The window is always interesting. There is always some line in front of you, giving you plenty of time to sit and wait knowing that the fries you ordered fifteen minutes ago are sitting in a bag at the window getting cold… not that sitting for an hour under a heating lamp kept them all that hot. I watch as a mystery arm hands bags of food to the cars in front of us. I watch as the arms from the car hand the bag back and gesture that was not what they ordered. Then the mystery hand gives a drink to the car hand who then hands that back with more gestures of annoyance. Oh goodie, I just know that the nightmare has just begun for us. Yeah, the ordering was hard enough, now I get to drive up and argue with the window person that I never ordered a chicken sandwitch and diet coke. The correct bags of food and drinks are finally handed to the car in front of us and they pull away. I take a deep breath and drive forward. “You had the cheese burger kids meal with Sprite, chicken strips kids meal with Sprite, a cheese burger meal with medium iced tea and an Asian Chicken Salad with medium Sprite. Is that correct?” I’m impressed, they seemed to have entered the correct information into their little computer. I smile, showing I am pleased, and say, “Yep, that’s it!” No reaction out of the drone in the window, “That’ll be $15.48.” I hand my money over with high hopes that I just might get everything I ordered successfully. They hand me the correct change from the $20 – and why wouldn’t they? The computer that takes the orders also shoots out change – making the job for the brainless drone that much easier! Could you imagine them having to figure out your change??? Oh that would be bad! You’d have to argue about the order and the change? Heaven forbid! Here come the drinks, a quick look and there is already a problem. I turn to say that I ordered a Sprite but there are two medium drinks, neither looking like Sprite, and she hands me yet another drink! Now, this is the Sprite, but I have a diet Coke here and I really do not want a free diet Coke. I try to give it back, “I didn’t order a diet Coke.” Of course my word means nothing, and she needs to reference the ticket the computer spit out with my order on it. She looks at like five different tickets trying to figure out which one is mine. Confused, she simply takes back the diet Coke and hands me two kids meals. I hand them back to the kids and turn to get the rest of my order. Another bag, I take a quick peek and find a burger and medum fries – good. The lady walked away and finally returned with a look of surprise. “I am waiting for my salad.” The look of confusion on her face told me everything. I just looked at her – the words of frustration fought to get out, but I held back. They could still spit in my damn salad! She ran back, grabbed a sack, and threw a salad and some stuff into it and pretty much threw it at me. She then closed the window so if I did protest, she wouldn’t hear me. I drove off annoyed with myself for falling into the fast food trap yet again! Then the cherry on the cake, the straw that broke the camel’s back – the creme de la creme came when my niece opened her cheese burger kids meal to find chicken strips!!! I threw my food down and yelled, “No more! I don’t care how fucking hungry we all are, I will not go back and waste my money on thoses assholes!”

It is the same whereever we go, every fast food joint is the same. They hire the same people to work at each fast food joint. Hey, it’s not my fault their lives suck and they have to make working at McDonald’s their career. I work hard and all I am asking is for some kindness and competence when I go through the fast food drive through for some quick food! I make sure not to be rude to anyone – first. If you’re going to be a brainless drone with an earing sticking out your lip and your front teeth missing and rude – well, I am forced to be rude back. I have a hard time believing that I eat the food they cook – and yet my busy life finds its way back in line at another drive through… I hope this time was the last. I have always been a proud member of the In-N-Out Burger joint. Finding myself jonesing for a burger and fries with a vanilla shake on the side all the time. It’s good stuff and they take the time to weed out the brainless fuck-ups and treat their employees with respect and good insurance. The paycheck people get working at In-N-Out is probably bigger than mine. Whatever In-N-Out is doing is right. People are never rude there, always greet you with a smile, and will go the extra mile to please you. Yes, it’s fast food and I sometimes find myself taking my burger back to get them to cook it more, but you know the service there is worth the pink in a burger from time to time. I would rather wait in a long line and get a pink burger then go back to any of the other fast food joints that hire the bottom of the barrel scum no one else wants to hire. Sorry to be so crude here – but I have had it with these people! They deserve nothing from me and I will not help pay their pay checks any longer! I won’t judge you for heading over to a local fast food joint and grabbing a quick meal – because I totally understand why. I just cannot do it any more. I have tested out every place around and they are all carbon copies of one another – it sucks. My fast food nightmare ends now.

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