I am totally stealing the idea for this post from my friend, David, who writes his blog posts around a song title and lyrics. I am not going to go on and on about the song I am going to quote, but David’s latest blog gave me the idea for this entire blog. Thanks David!

“Let’s talk about sex baby,

Let’s talk about you and me,
Let’s talk about all the good things,
and the bad things that may be…

Let’s talk about sex,

Let’s talk about SEX!”
-Salt n’ Pepper

There is nothing about love in those lyricks. “Hey baby,” The teenage boy said to his current girlfriend. “If you love me you’ll have sex with me.” Wham bam thank you ma’am and he never calls her again. No, this never happened to me personally, but it did happen to friends of mine. Plus, working in a middle school (9th grade) I hear it all the time. Is love sex and sex love? Sure – to some degree. I believe that two people in love will “make love” from time to time. I also believe “sex” and “love” are two separate things. Sex is something we do just to satisfy urges we have “down there.” *wink* Love is something we all want by our sides, holding our hand and guiding us through life. Most of us end up married to our best friends, and not our lovers. Although there are some lucky few that married their best friend and lover… Not everyone is that lucky. I would rather face life with my best friend, someone I can stand next to and feel safe, someone I can talk to about anything and know he’ll understand me. I don’t want to argue my way through life, having a constant tug-of-war of who’s right and why. I think that if someone loves you, with their whole being, then there will be understanding and patience. If the person you marry really loves you, they’ll stay there and work it out. If it comes down to the one and only argument being, “You won’t have sex with me!” then there is something a lot more powerful than sex missing in that relationship.

Sex is an act, where Love is an emotion that we all long for. As with everything there is give and take, and if you love the person you are with, then you give a little and take a little without a second thought. My friend, David, was talking about these two friends of ours who are unhappy in their marriage – probably for many different reasons. The other day when David was over visiting these friends, the husband’s one big complaint was that he just had this awesome house built, and they have lived in it for about nine months and the wife hasn’t given any booty all but about three times. He wants the act, not the emotion. The question arises, “Why stay together then?” if the answer is, “For the kids.” WOW, that’s original! Don’t ever do it for the kids! What are you really teaching them if you and your spouse stick it out for the welfare of the children? Because while you “think” you are doing the right thing, you are not. You are teaching your children unhappiness, no self worth, and nothing about the awesome emotion that is love. I really like my friends, and I think that it’s sad they won’t part ways. If you don’t love each other, there is no reason to stay together – is there? How can he demand sex from her? He might as well call up a service, we have out here legally in the state of Nevada, and be serviced. It’s the same thing as having meaningless sex with a woman who lives in your house with whom you coexist and share a couple of kids with. If he loved her he would look at the big picture and ask the right questions, “What’s wrong?” and “What can I do?” These aren’t hard questions and the answers might bring light, happiness and love back into their marriage.

I guess I am attacking the husbands a lot here, and that’s mainly because I am a female and tend to support my sisters. I know that there are woman out there that do the same things to guys. Woman who want the act but don’t want the emotional involvement. I believe there are guys out there who want to be close and love someone – pure and simple. We all tend to sterotype males as being the horny ones, but there are females out there that act the same way.

The bottom line is, if two people are not happy, or are thinking of divorce, due to the amount of “lovin’” they get in the bedroom, then they do not love each other. Love and sex are two different things, and I do not believe you are with the one you truly love if “sex” is tearing you apart. I looked up “love” in the dictionary and I was saddened to see that it had the word “sex” in its definition. The world we live in is screwed up, and the ideals of having to please the man (or woman) in the bedroom in order to obtain, and keep, love is overrated. I am sure if you ask a couple who have been married for 60 years, “What’s your secret?” the answer will not be, “The action in the bedroom! whoopee!” but more like, “Communication.” Look at the person you chose to share your life with, and if you feel a peace and happiness just looking at him/her, and you couldn’t imagine life without that person, then you are probably in love… Don’t let the ideals of society and the urges you have get in the way of how you feel about that person. Life is so much more than a good lay…

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